Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 25 January 2014

image for Wisconsin Reports Firewood Rustling Up 900 Percent
97-year-old Teresa Gritzburger on her way to the gym.

MADISON, Wisconsin - State authorities are reporting that the due to the extreme cold weather that the state has been experiencing there has been a rise in crime.

A spokesman in the governor's office has stated that some Wisconsin low-lifes are going out and stealing stacks of firewood from residential homes.

The thieves recently stole 215 pounds of firewood from the backyard of Senator Bindy Gladys Fogmund [R-Milwaukee].

Senator Fogmund stated that she and her grandmother Teresa Gritzburger worked for two days chomping and stacking the firewood.

The senator remarked that her 97-year-old grandmother even developed calluses on both her droopers (tits).

Wisconsin state police report that firewood rustling has gone up by 900 percent since this time last year.

The state has stated that if anyone is found in the possession of stolen firewood, code named: RF for rustled firewood, the perps will be arrested and incarcerated for three months.

SIDENOTE: Senator Fogmund revealed that if she finds out who stole her firewood she and her grandmother will pay the individual a visit in his county jail cell and while two deputies hold him down Granny Gritzburger will beat him with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat until she feels like stopping.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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