Written by Colorado Joe
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Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Washington DC-Lobbyists for the cupcake and bakery industry are pushing to make the weekend of December 15 each year, unofficially observed as National Cupcake Day, as a three-day national holiday.

This holiday would give federal, state and local employees another day off, along with such businesses as banks and garbage collection-with the purpose of encouraging the sale of cupcakes and related baked items in the United States, lobbyists for the proposed legislation said.

"National Cupcake Day comes but once a year," noted Cindy Mon, a leading spokesperson for the lobbyists. "We do not want our sacred holiday to get lost in the hustle of such holidays as Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Beethoven's birthday, New Year's and way too many football bowl games to keep tabs on."

For that reason, Mon said that National Cupcake Day would be a three-day holiday. She is hoping that her website and other cupcake growers would run ads in local newspapers with discounts which would bulk up the Cupcake Day editions to at least one half pound. In addition, her industry is in touch with the organizers of a yet-to-be announced major football game, which she hopes to call the National Cupcake Bowl. In fact, she is hoping to get federal funding to renovate the stadium where the game takes place so that it resembles a cupcake wrapper.

Other events envisioned include the Little Debbie's National Cupcake Day parades in Atlanta, Los Angeles, Charleston (South Carolina), New Orleans, Dallas, Houston and Phoenix. There will be special movies and specials such as Dolly, the Red-Cherried Cupcake, A Charlie Brown Cupcake, A Cupcake Story (where the Ralphie character asks for a cupcake instead of a BB gun) and It's a Wonderful Topping (where the owner of a savings and loan realizes that the meaning of life comes from giving out cupcakes). George Strait would sing "It's time for a Texas cupcake." Finally, Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray have been asked to join a select panel of cupcake recipes submitted from around the country.

"Hopefully they'll get into a tussle," noted Mon. "That would really enhance the profile of National Cupcake Day."

As of this writing, prospects for making National Cupcake Day a three-day holiday appear uncertain. But the efforts of the cupcake people have caught the attention of other food boosters, all of whom want to have their holidays made into three-day weekends. Among them are the backers of National Peanut Butter Day (January 24), National Popcorn Day (January 19), National Cabbage Day (February 17), Garlic Day (April 22), National Chocolate Chip Day (May 15) and National Crème Filled Donut Day (September 14).

Opponents say that with so many potential holidays, the economy and everything would shut down. "I think that's the case as it is," Mon replied. "I don't think things would be different with so many three-day holidays."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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