Written by joseph k winter
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Monday, 13 January 2014

image for Governor Christie's winter love song to a bridge
These kids looked over the side of the bridge happily--in the Governor's dream

According to a spokesperson for Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, the candidate for the 016 presidential election is sleeping less while consuming more bedside emergency oatmeal cookies than usual during long wakeful periods.

The George Washington bridge scandal has led some observers to feel the governor was strangely absent from what was going on back in September, when three access lanes to the bridge were reduced to one and caused the worst traffic jam since 9/11.

This "absence" of the governor, in terms of his noticing what was going on at the time or commenting on it until later as the scandal developed, has led to the governor's troubled nights.

At one rare point of actually sleeping, and dreaming he was on the bridge looking over the side, he was aroused by a strange high-pitched little sound, plus somehow it was musical, with lyrics--

Oh!
and the waters below
draw me close to the edge
Oh!

Fretting on it all, including wishing the public would forget all about the scandal by March, so he could get on with his presidential ambitions, Mr. Christie was suddenly aware of the source of the music and the troubling lyrics.

He sat bolt upright--the music and lyrics were whistling out of his own nose!

In what may be a ploy to soften irritation with the governor and bring a sense of mercy and empathy from future voters, Mr. Christie's spokesperson indicated there was a further stanza:

Oh!
and the waters below
shall I go, shall I go?
Oh!

At this point Mr. Christie was assailed with a horrible vision so that he could no longer keep to his bed.

He had just dreamed of actually leaping from the George Washington Bridge in a magnificent gesture of contrition--to a terrible result.

Like Walt Disney's cartoon character Humphrey the Bear he had merely smacked into the waters without sinking an inch, and was then floating on his back under the bridge!

This humiliation was compounded when his leaping and consequent failure to sink caused a traffic jam threatening to outdo the earlier one in September.

People--he particularly noticed children--were leaning over the sides of the bridge waving and laughing at him down below.

Leaving his bed in a hurry he repaired to the kitchen to find further sustenance and ward off the horror of this nightmare, and what it might mean for his political ambitions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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