Written by Keith Shirey
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Friday, 10 January 2014

image for A Nuclear Reactor In Your Pocket?
WHOOPS!

The race is on to develop a new breed of nuclear reactors. The nuclear power industry, still reeling after the Fukishima Disater - which has spread radioactivity to the U.S.' West Coast and created glowing fish -wants to change it image. It's going small and away from gigantic nuclear reactors.

The U.S. government is spending $42.5 million to get the projects going. The Feds also gave huge subsidies for Three Mile island, which suffered a meltdown causing cancers, as well as for 14 other plants which have been "safety jeopardized" since that disaster, according to the NRC.

Nuclear Industry spokesman, Mike "Cesium" Edwards explained today at a press event, "These small nuke installations will be spread throughout the U.S. I know we've been opposed to nuclear proliferation but we've changed our minds."

He continued, "They'll be very climate friendly, unless they melt down. They'll be built in kit design form so we're going to attempt to be careful to avoid design flaws that will be constantly replicated. Of course there are no guarantees on that."

"Of course with hundreds of these small nuclear installations we must have thousands of additional security forces to prevent terrorist attacks. That will cost billions, but we think it's worth it."

"God bless the United States of America" he said as the news conference ended.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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