Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 9 January 2014

image for 'Fat chance of justice!' say pals of sacked Chris Christie aide
Locals were worried Chris Christie's early morning George Washington Bridge jogs might damage structural supports

New Jersey - Suporters of an aide to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie have slammed the 'bum rap' that's seen Bridget Anne Kelly take the blame for last September's George Washington Bridge closure, allegedly orchestrated to create traffic shambles as part of a lowdown political vendetta.

"Ms Kelly is being scapegoated, I reckon," local Fort Lee podiatrist Havanna Bunionns commented, "for warning some of the bridge's structural supports might buckle under the weight of Chris Christie's daily morning jog."

"Yeah, she's taking the blame for Governor Blubber-Boy alright," City Hall parking lot attendant Ruby Zitgeist concurred, "about time Christie took a lie detector test."

50-stone lardarse Governor Christie, chair of the Republican Governors Association, recently intensified last year's weight-loss program start with a raft of fat reduction measures ahead of what GOP funders say could be a 2016 White House bid.

And although details remain pretty much secret NJ observers have said gastric band surgery and industrial-strength liposuction are likely to play part of his slimming plan.

"Chris Christie is in a jam," this morning's New York Toast headlines advised, "maybe a a very sticky kinda honeypot jam."

Expect further revelations about the sacking at a 6 o'clock press briefing from City Hole.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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