Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Paul McCartney

Thursday, 9 January 2014

image for Paul McCartney's $13m condo bid bombs as Carnegie Hill co-op board rejects residency
A whole lot happier in NYC's Meatpacking District?

New York - The singer's dreams of purchasing a sprawling 16th floor condo in one of the Museum Mile's tony white-glove apartment blocks has gone down the pan after a co-op board's decision said 'No more downmarket non-billionaires, thanks!'

For years Carnegie Hill realtors and its well-heeled residents have managed to keep an exclusive Fifth Avenue, NY10028 enclave 'hoi polloi-free' with a raft of hurdles for anyone attempting to move into the fabulous, upscale Central Park locale.

Since the late 1990s shrewd ring-fencing of the prestigious property hub has successfully seen off, among others, Brunei's convicted property fraudster Prince Jefri, Russian mobster Roman Abramovich plus several seedy oligarch pals, Chinese Triad gangster boss Hoo Flung Dung the III 'and most of the minor Saudi royals' - according to NYC realtor Loquettta Bitcoyne.

"We noticed the start of a horrid downmarket trend when President George W Bush first came into orifice," the knowledgeable Ms B said today, "with a variety of fly-by-night TheoCons trying to gain a Carnegie Hill foothold to buttress up their downmarket credentials."

Figures published by the US That's Rich! List suggest the average worth of apartment owners at the NY10028 white-glove block begin at around $1.5bn, making Paul McCartney's personal net worth of 'under $800m' a tragic non-starter

"We think McCartney would be a whole lot happier in the Meatpacking District," Ms B continued, "where a couple of million bucks stretches to something more suitable."

Newly-elected NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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