Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 7 January 2014

image for Horrendous polar bear vortex grips America
The scene outside Central Park, NYC this morning

New York - Much of the USA is being menaced by an evil polar bear vortex according to scientists at the Bearback Mountain Institute of Ecoskullduggery.

The climate change stink - uh, think! - tank is linking this week's arctic strike to a recent solar magnetic pole 'flip' that sent swarms of bipolar bears southwards to the States.

This morning presidential advisers on greed house gasses joined a White House summit about the developing crisis that's seen much of the country ravaged by 'horrid white stuff' thought to be flea-speckled polar bear fur moult.

A press conference later confirmed much of America's worst fears about the bears' invasion due to a sudden shift in annual migration pathways after the critters' internal furry radar became blocked by the recent 'flip'.

"America is in the middle of a glacial bipolar grip," White House spokesperson Jay Carney told assembled reporters, "despite fleets of gritter trucks treating our highways with industrial strength lithium pellets."

US weather channels monitoring the onslaught now say it's moving eastwards and may cross the Atlantic in a couple of days before commencing a new attack on flood-hit Blighty.

But plenty more of the white stuff is likely to spread as far south as Mexico before Brits get a hit of the latest menace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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