The President told Americans in a press conference today that there was a "Credible Threat" that the United States could suffer a sudden attack from any one of several countries.
"I don't know how we got everybody so upset with us but according to our spies in every nation that counts, we could suffer an attack from any one of 60-70 nations we have somehow offended."
He then apologized to all 70 of them and also any others not on our enemies list and told them that we meant them no harm nor did we mean to upset their silly ways of life.
While Mr. Obama did not take questions, he handed the microphone to Vice President Joe Biden.
"Our President and his family will now leave for a safer spot and I will stay here at the White House and have all our agents report to me from the field and I will relay the news onto our President and those at the Pentagon."
"Thomas Landis from FOX News Network. Why did the President have a front pocket full of golf balls?"
"See. Already another attack. I will talk to you as I receive my reports. No more questions, please. I think that about covers the whole situation."