Written by King David
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Saturday, 28 October 2006

image for The White House Holds Halloween Carnival For Journalists
Donald Rumsfeld Dressed as the Grim Reaper

WASHINGTON D.C.--In an unprecedented move, the White House today set up tents on it's lawn to hold a Halloween carnival for journalists.

"We're tired of the same old grind and want to get into the Halloween spirit around here," White House spokesperson Wayne O'Leary said. "The media has been really working hard and the news lately from overseas has not been good. We wanted to do something different, lift everybody's spirits."

But things were not so different when participants observed members of the marine guard holding journalist's heads under water while they bobbed for apples. When questioned about the servicemen's actions, Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld said, "We just need to know how long a journalist can be held under water before they go unconscious. It's in our nation's security," he said.

Ex-Congressman Mark Foley was also seen in a kissing booth. When asked about his attraction to the younger pages, he said that this kind of thing always went on in the boarding schools that he attended when he was younger. "It was all just part of the territory," he said.

Under other tents, National Security Advisor Condolezza Rice was seen with a deck of Tarot Cards dressed up as Mada Hari, the gypsy fortune teller. Donald Rumsfeld was reported to have been seen several times slipping out of the back of her tent.

Carl Rove, dressed in a black jacket with tails and holding his little prehensile-tailed monkey pet on his right shoulder, acted as master of ceremonies. At the same time, he cracked a whip and other White House staffers dressed as horses, lions and tigers fell in line and circled round and round.

Donald Rumsfeld, when not giving orders to the marine guard and not consulting Madam Rice, was seen dressed as the grim reaper and stood close to the entrance of the White House which doubled as a haunted house.

"We haven't had this much fun in years!" one park service employee said. "Probably since Bill Clinton was inaugurated 13 years ago!"

In addition, Vice President Dick Cheney was seen sitting in the dunking booth with a long line of white house staff including the president waiting to try to dunk him.

Our president, in a rare act of self-sacrifice and fiscal responsibility, was seen auctioning off historic, white house furniture.

"I'm trying to act fiscally responsible," he said, as a 200-year old brown, maple rocking chair that George Washington was reported to have sat in was carried out the front door. "Who cares about the past," he continued. "What we need is a strong economy. That's why the first lady and I are going out for pizza tonight and then to Rooms To Go to buy new furniture for this place."

Other carnival activities included a republican cake walk, pin-the-tail on the jack ass and an elephant tug-o-war in which journalists lined up on one side of the rope and tried to pull an elephant over the partisan line. Journals, it was reported, were not able to budge the 1,000 pound elephant, but it's bowels did move enough to crap all over the place.

Folk musician Steve Earle was reported have been the musical guest as he sang his lovely tribute to Condolezza Rice, "....Oh Condi Condi O Condi Condi...."

But the most popular activity were the free helicopter rides on Air Force One. When passing over the United Nations, the president, dressed now as a cowboy complete with pistols and holster, was reported to have said, "Oh, so there is were that building is." Further evidence that he and the American people were still living on an island.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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