Written by Smart Blonde Bimbo
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Topics: Weather, Cold

Sunday, 5 January 2014

The indigent population are getting a little help from the Louisville Metro Police during the record cold snap.

This cold snap, sources say, is the result of a rare polar vortex that is sending extremely cold Arctic air as far as the southern United States. This mass of cold air has taxed resources of nearly every metropolitan area, with police, fire crews, and emergency personnel working overtime.

Warming centers are open for business, but since the rough weather has already set in, transporting those who need the warming centers is falling on the Louisville Police. Every cruiser that is running has been pressed into service.

One officer, who refused to be named, said that there is a blessing in disguise. All of these indigent people make excellent ballast for the icy roads--it's cheaper to get them a doughnut and a cup of coffee than to buy three cinder blocks to put in the trunk.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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