WASILLA, Alaska --- With the start of 2014 bringing below zero temperatures, Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will protest against America's War on Christmas by hibernating for the winter with a pack of wild grizzly bears.
Shortly after the new year, Ms. Palin held a press conference at her church in Wasilla to bring her local townsfolk the startling news.
"I think its very brave of her. I'm proud that she is bringing attention to one of the most important issues in our country," said bar owner Pete Drummond. " When someone says Happy Holidays to me instead of Merry Christmas, I want to punch them in the face. It's insulting to my Christian faith."
Local reporter John Barrett from KTUU in Wasilla was following the breaking news story. Concerns for her safety quickly grew in the tight-knit Alaskan community.
"Aren't you concerned for your life?" Barrett asked the one-time vice presidential candidate. "What if they get hungry? Have you given that any thought?" Barrett asked, accidentally hitting her with a microphone.
"You betcha. But I'm bringing along a three month supply of porridge and I have a dozen of bedtime stories to read to them."
The crowd loved that answer. Everyone was cheering.