Written by Keith Shirey
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Friday, 3 January 2014

image for Duck Dynasty Launches Redneck Brand Of Firearms
DUCK GUN BUYER

With the threat of "suspension" behind them and more free publicity than they know what to with following Phil Robertson's controversial interview with GQ magazine, the Duck Dynasty family is cashing in by launching a brand new line of firearms.

CNN Money reports that the gun-maker Mossberg has teamed up with Duck Commander, the Robertson-family owned merchandise company, "to release nine different shotguns, as well as two semiautomatic rifles and a semiautomatic pistol."

As CNN puts it, "the rifle has some of the features of an assault rifle, but with a relatively low .22 caliber."

To appeal to the most likely potential gun purchasers the stock of the guns offer the following artwork options:

1) An outhouse.
2) A large cracker.
3) A hooded KKK firgure.
4) A man with a very red neck.
5) A photo of white trash.

Phil Robertson narrates one of the four ads Mossberg is using to promote the new line. The homophobic, racist family patriarch reads the beginning of the Declaration of Independence, but the script shifts once he gets to the part about the "pursuit of happiness." He interrupts himself and says, "These guns sure ain't for hunting no ducks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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