Written by King David
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Topics: School, Monkey

Saturday, 28 October 2006

image for Middle School Student Offends Monkey at Zoo
The Future

ASHEBORO-N.C. Authorities today reported that a monkey in the Asheboro Zoo was offended after a male middle school student stood in front of it's cage and offended it.

Zoo officials weren't saying what specific behavior may have offended the monkey, but one official said that the ape's position in the hierarchy may have been challenged.
After the incident, the monkey was reported to have hurled itself repeatedly against the observation glass, screeching loudly and banging it's fists on his chest and the ground.

Zoo officials said this behavior is not uncommon for monkeys that come into contact with male adolescents.

"Monkeys are very civilized," spokesperson Jim said. When a monkey accidentally passes gas, you'll never see a group of other monkey's jumping up and down, pointing their fingers, and making fun of it. You'll also never see a monkey moon another monkey, give it the finger, leave lunch trays and milk cartons on the cafeteria table next to a disheveled pile of peas and carrots, or pee on the toilet seat.

Monkeys are clean and ambitious animals, frequently picking fleas off one another. Some succeed in careers in the entertainment industry, space travel and even politics. Unlike middle school students, when they get to a certain age they know it's time to change and don't have to be told their place in the world.

On middle school student's behalf, however, a spokesman for Primates World Wide said that they "might be the missing link between man and the monkeys. By studying middle school students, we can find out a lot about ourselves, where we've been, and, in many ways, where we might be going."

This was a comforting thought in a day and age where so much was uncertain.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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