Barack Obama was born August 4th, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. Or was he? Obama has feverishly defended that he was born in the United States, but has failed to produce a birth certificate. We have discovered why. After a long arduous search Obama's birth certificate has been found. In fact Obama was not born in the U.S. Per the real birth certificate Obama was born in Shenzhen, China. His real name is Barack Obama Ching Chong Dinga Linga Ding Dong.
We have attempted to contact him and his PR team but have not heard back. We did talk to Obama's secretary she did say that he does have trouble pronouncing his R's and she finds it difficult recognizing him when the Chinese leaders are in town. She also noted he orders the Kung Pao Fried Chicken and the Watermelon Egg Roll from his favorite Chinese restaurant, China Will Destroy the US Buffet.
We caught up with Michelle Obama while at Forever 21 trying on dresses. "I can tell you one thing, Barack is definitely not black from the waist down" Michelle said with a smirk and wink. When asked about her husband being from China she said "isn't Hawaii in China?" We tried to get more out of Michelle but she dipped into a crowded Hot Topic.
These reports have shaken up Washington D.C. Joe Biden was quoted saying "looks like I am the new president bitches." He then proceeded to show us his birth certificate which resembled dog pound adoption papers.
When we asked former president George W. Bush about the findings he said "last time we let China in this country they bombed Pearl Harbor." He went on to say "didn't the Navy Seals kill him in a raid on his compound in Pakistan?" Bush then indicated he needed to get back to his workout. We met up with Bush at a McDonald's playground swimming laps in the balls.
Sarah Palin has been very vocal on the controversy. "I knew that Blasian was not from this country" she remarked. "I could have told you he wasn't a citizen. All blacks are from Africa. Just go to Africa one day and all you will see is African Americans. My guess is he has AIDS too." Palin then went on to talk about the lack of black people in Alaska and that shockingly she was carrying Phil Robertson's baby.
D.C has been turned upside down today. As reports continue to surface we will bring them to you first.
We found this on Barack Obama's twitter page:
"Who has their eyes half open now, roosers" #ChinaDomination #BirthCertificate #ILoveEggRow