Written by Smart Blonde Bimbo
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Tuesday, 24 December 2013

image for U S Government Policy Shifting to Bread and Circuses

The desires of the American people are finally being heard in Washington.After feeding the American People to a huge monster we call Big Data, and after over a decade of sending the low-income and worthy overseas to be shot at; Congress and President Obama conceded that there was a better way to keep them distracted from the wholesale theft of all of those little pictures of George Washington from America's wallets.

Too many men have looked unhappily at the contents of their twenty year old leather billfolds, realizing that the lush green of George's legacy had been overtaken by worthless pieces of paper that they have been compelled to stockpile.

One man, who declined to give his name, explained: "Somebody at the bank, the store, the police department, or accountant, or even the Internal Revenue Service, could demand ANY one of those pieces of paper for proof that I am who I say I am, and where I said I was. The consequences of furnishing information that Big Data says is false cannot be imagined.

Congress further conceded that the wholesale time theft that came along with compelling Americans to stockpile these white papers--called receipts--was a failure; and that it displaced the skills needed to produce stuff. And without the production of stuff, the Treasury couldn't collect that taxes derived from the sale of said stuff.

The President, who is also Commander in Chief, also noted that Americans became too adept at dodging the bullets coming from the enemy combatants, stating that the "casualty level is far from satisfactory for this type of conflict".

A new block grant to pay for the Cirque de Soleil is slated to be approved. This new grant is to supplant the block grants given the states for beefed-up security, sending soldiers overseas, and the like. This block grant is expected to bolster Congress' already stellar approval from about 12 percent to 14 percent--in line with expectations of a recovering economy.

A proposal to improve the grant writing capabilities at the state level has fallen flat, as you can see from yours truly's atrocious writing skills. But, that is for another session, when we actually have enough little green pictures of George Washington in other wallets that can be spent on education.

And bread? That's what the USDA's food stamp program has already been created to address.

No word on how Big Data is taking the shift.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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