Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Sunday, 22 December 2013

image for Cincinnati Teen Run Over Twice While Texting Her Friend

CINCINNAT, OH--A Cincinnati teenager, Brittany Simpson, was run over twice on Thursday while texting her friend as she crossed 4th and Walnut St.

While Brittany was crossing the street, absorbed in her Smart Phone, a Ford Focus ran over the sixteen year old. Unfazed, the teenager got up from the collision and continued to text her friend Kaitlynn, texting "OMG!!!! Here comes another--," but was hit by a city bus and killed before she could hit "SEND."

A paramedic who arrived at the scene pronounced the intrepid teen brain-dead, but said, from what he could tell, she had already been brain dead for about two years. Her parents said Brittany was given the Smart Phone as a birthday present when she turned fourteen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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