Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 21 December 2013

image for Duck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson Says He's Thinking About Moving To Russia
Phil's favorite duck which he named Donald Duck Trump.

WEST MONROE, Louisiana - The star of A&E's hit cable show Duck Dynasty said he had no idea his anti-gay remarks would stir up such a sh*t storm.

Phil Robertson, the Robertson family patriarch remarked to American Spotlight Magazine "Hey lemmy just say dis here. I merely said what I felt like saying at da time I said it because dat's da way I felt like saying it so I just done went and friggin said it."

Robertson remarked in interview with the supermarket tabloid Just Saying that he has never seen a gay guy who did not skip, lisp, or like to bake marshmallow bon bon eclairs.

He noted that the only time he ever saw a fairy fella in Louisiana was when he was at a Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner back in May of this year and he saw one that was dressed in a fuchsia halter top, chartreuse short shorts, and a San Francisco 49ers ball cap.

Robertson did say that he once saw a lesbianite pumping gas at a Pump & Git Self-Serve Texaco Gas Station up in Shreveport.

He giggled as he recalled that she looked a lot like Sarah "Snowflake" Palin except that Sarah has a lot more facial hair.

The Duck Dynasty star who has been suspended from the show by A&E told American Spotlight Magazine's Cutter Shiloh that he is really shocked and devastated that he cannot speak his mind.

He took a sip from his glass of ice tea and said that he is seriously thinking about moving to Russia where anyone can say all kinds of derogatory things about gays and lesbians and no one even blinks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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