Jackson, WY Allegedly evil ex-vice president Dick Cheney announced today that he would be attending the Bob Jones Seminary in order to receive religious orders to become a practicing minister.
The waterboarding enthusiast will conduct weddings for gay women, such as his daughter, who has been out for many years.
When asked about the gay lifestyle, he replied, "Well, I know we raised Mary the right way, so if she says she is gay then it must be okay for women. However, I think that the jury is still out on the gay male lifestyle. I believe it is okay for women but I still think it's an abomination for men to marry or cohabitate."
Mr. Cheney is advertising that he will marry lesbian couples at his secret underground bunker in a simple ceremony, followed by pinafores, snacks, and light refreshments.