What researchers were afraid of is apparently coming true! Several different "Flu" (Bird, Chicken, Monkey, Hound Dog, etc) have emerged into one new flu that is being called the SH*TFire Flu!
"Without warning or even warming, a person will be taking a crap and suddenly a blaze flies out that can set your undies on fire or worse.', stated researcher Donald Philps. "We have had several bathrooms gutted with fire and even some houses lost."
Another researcher says that they are finding it hard to place victims although several Chinese workers have come here to build 100 room hospitals at three a day. So it's a good start. We have to have fireproof everything in the room and there can be only one patient.
"Yes, we have lost several patients who fart in their sleep and three wives have bitten the big one."
China is not only helping us by sending builders, they have sent their whole families here for good.
One person who spoke English told this reporter that the authorities in China say "No way, Jose!" for them to return to China.
The only bright spot, other than the huge flameout, is that survivors never have to worry about having hemorrhoids again.
This is Lew Jabbar for $tar$!