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Wednesday, 11 December 2013

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GOP Nemesis Nancy Pelosi does not take baths according to a hacked NHS spy recording. Why? "We're still listening", says reporter.

Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi, elected Democratic Leader by House Democrats and therefore the Minority Leader in the Republican-controlled House for the 112th Congress, denied the report.

"Don't you think you could have smelled me by now?", she asked Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky. "A lot of times I'm too busy keeping you people from taking over so I use baby wipes."

The California Representative and former Speaker of the House still seemed apprehensive so we had our reporters go out and keep an eye on her whenever she leaves the House and see what they could get from any old friends or neighbors.

It only took 24-hours and this was what we learned:

Pelosi doesn't take a bath nor a shower and never has as far as is known. As she stated, she uses wipes.

According to an old friend, who has turned into her more recent enemy after some kind of fight over a land deal, Pelosi had a sister, Alice Hamilton, that used to appear in commercials but something happened that goes back to their grandmother. She almost melted while taking a long shower.

Margaret Hamilton was their grandmother's actual name and she played the villain on "The Wizard of Oz".

Better be ready for a lot of jokes, especially on the Late Talk Shows, once this gets out.

So that's the story from here. I'm Allister Crock for $tar$.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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