Washington DC - Confidential background documents about John Kerry's 2012 nomination for US Secretary of State have been released by the Yale fraternity citing the notorious Brit case of the naked, bejewelled Duchess of Argyll caught in a series of damning Polaroids fellating a headless, unknown man circa 11 December 1962.
An emergency extraordinary meeting of the satanic Skull 'N' Boners society apparently went to Deafcon Three status ahead Kerry's 69th last December amid reports that the Yale alumnus and former Boners stalwart was once considered by the British Secret Service as the prime suspect in photographic evidence presented to a London divorce court.
British defense minister Duncan Sandys eventually took the rap for the indiscretion in a gesture easily quashing a NATO rumor mill that the scandalous sex romp was Kerry's 20th birthday 'treat', arranged by Boners' sister society the Hellfire Club of Great Britain of which Margaret, Duchess of Argyll, was unofficial Head Girl.
The following year UK War Minister John Profumo suddenly got the boot from high pubic orifice following revelations of his involvement with cheap, lowdown hos Mandy Rice-Davis and Christine Keeler who'd been caught shagging top KGB spooks for bundles of cash in an espionage sting connected to the Vatican's Cuban Missal (sic) Crisis.
The Duchess' drunken, post-divorce babblings hinting at having pleasured 'a bastard son of Lyndon B Johnson' never did anyone any favors, not least Skull 'N' Boners' recruit Kerry who was studying at Yale University's school of political science.
This week the Hellfire is on full red alert as MI6 number-crunchers best-guess that Wednesday, 11 December - known in the UK by its numerologically 'significant' 11/12/13 dateline - will see the US Secretary of State slated on his 70th for covering up US-UK secrets about Cold War stuff.
And then some.
Theresa Heinz Ketchup Kerry is 104.