Written by Keith Shirey
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Saturday, 7 December 2013

New York - The jobless rate in the U.S. has dipped to a five year low on steady gains. Employers hired at least 200,000 workers in the last four months.

President Obama, upon hearing the news, said he was "ecstatic" and that the economy was "stupendously wonderful." The President celebrated by playing golf with two of his closest friends, Senators Ted Cruz and Rand Paul.

Some extremist liberal economists tried to throw cold water on the good economic news by citing numbers, such as how many people no longer looking for work. These people are not counted in the reduction of numbers for the unemployed. In today's report from the Department of Prevarication unemployment in the U.S. is 7%, down from 7.4%.

But these radical naysayers, such as the commie leftist Paul Krugman, were totally discredited by remarks coming from patriotic true American spokesmen from conservative think tanks such as the Heritage Foundation and the American Free Enterprise Institute.

" Yes, at least one-half million of the unemployed have given up looking for jobs and 4.1 million people are long-term unemployed and some forty percent of the American people live in poverty. So what?," said Milton Friedman of Heritage Foundation. He continued on to say, "You can tell Paul Krugman to kiss my Royal Jewish Ass."

"There are winners and losers in any economy. I wouldn't worry about the losers too much. They lack initiative and self-reliance. They've got to pull themselves up by their own boot loops the way Heratio Algernon did" stated the economist.

When asked what he thought about the fact that seventy-five percent of the new jobs created are part-time, low-paying, and provide no benefits, Robert Scrooge of the Hoverville Institute echoed the sentiments of Mr. Friedman.

"If they can't get better work that's just the way the cookie crumbles for these losers. They haven't read their Ayn Rand. The If they don't like it in America they should go to another country like Greece and see how they fare there. I always say, 'America, love it or leave it.'"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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