NORFOLK, Virginia - Snails have been around just about as long as flies, spiders, and pill bugs, but unlike those three insects the number of snails has decreased by 37 percent in just the past three years.
Insect experts state that this is due to the fact that rich people are eating the hell out of the little yicky bugs with their craving for escargot.
Snail expert Dr. Crystal Bluetower, 41, stated that if these rich people, 93 percent of which are registered Republican voters, continue devouring escargot at the present rate, the little slimy buggers could be totally eradicated by the year 2019.
Dr. Bluetower, who is not affiliated with PETA in any way, shape, or form, commented that she has written a letter to the organization and suggested that snails be placed on the endangered species list.
She received an email from Mimosa Ledbetter, PETA's executive director, thanking her for her letter of concern and she was assured that PETA will most definitely move to place snails on the endangered species list.
In A Related Item. President Obama has said that he supports Dr. Bluetower and PETA and he has stated that he will be issuing a Presidential Directive doing away with National Escargot Day, which falls on January 13.