SAN DIEGO - United States Customs Agents have advised the Arizona state authorities to be on the look out for a late model mossy green truck that is reportedly headed for their state.
Captain Lestingwood Grimwitch, 43, with the U.S. Department of Immigration said that an inside source informed him that the truck crossed into the United States from Tijuana and is transporting extremely dangerous radioactive material for Maricopa, Arizona.
The material is known by its official name as Cobalt 60 Boom Boom which can be used to manufacture dirty bombs, filthy bombs, and nasty-as-hell bombs.
When asked if there was a particular reason why the radioactive material laden truck would be headed for Maricopa Captain Grimwitch replied that there certainly was.
He stated that Maricopa is the law enforcement region that is run by infamous Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
Captain Grimwitch commented that Sheriff Arpaio, who is 81, is notorious for forcing his adult male prisoners to dress up all in pink; pink jumpsuits, pink flip flops, and even pink underwear.
It is no secret that many of the inmates incarcerated under Sheriff Arpaio's jurisdiction have brothers, cousins, sons, grandfathers, and uncles who resent Arpaio for insulting their relatives.
A local newspaper reporter stated that he has documented evidence that just within the past 13 months Sheriff "Pinky" Arpaio has received over 7,200 threats.
Sheriff Arpaio was asked what he thought about the radioactive truck headed his way.
He put down his bottle of Lemon Gatorade and said that he has instructed his deputies to shoot the damn truck on sight.
The sheriff was told that if they did that he and every citizen of Maricopa could end up scattered all over Utah.
"Pinky" Arpaio smiled as he sharpened a pencil with his teeth and said that it is what it is and he has to uphold the title of being the Toughest Sheriff in America.