Leaders of America's Fundamentalist Christian Churches, attending a special summit in Jerusalem this week, along with Muslim and Jewish religious leaders, issued a statement saying that they "have always been devout worshippers of 'Allah'". They acknowledged that the word 'Allah'....when translated into English...simply means 'God', and that is why Christians living in Arabic countries, have always used the term 'Allah' to describe their Creator.
Joyous at the success of the reconciliation of their centuries old disputes, the summit leaders further elaborated on their newfound brotherhood. "We now realize that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all simply different denominations of the same spiritual lineage....all of us directly tracing our ancestry back to Abraham. We were all, obviously, worshiping the same Creator back in the days of Abraham, so, of course, we are still worshipping the same God, today. We have just been using different words and symbols to describe our spiritual experiences. All of our bickering has really just arisen from a failure to communicate."
The particpants described their religious views as much closer to each other than other religions....such as Hinduism, Buddhism, or Taoism. "Because we have a shared history... Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all have much the same world view...including similar angelic pantheons, and similar views of after-life in Heaven or Hell."
They further elaborated on their newfound unity, by noting that, whereas some Muslim fundamantalists have been trying to get into Heaven, by blowing themselves and others up...some Christian fundamentalists have been trying to get to Heaven, by blowing everybody up, and thereby hastening the Rapture, and their own ascent to Heaven. "We really have more in common that we realized," the summit leaders pointed out.
"When we talk about waging a 'Holy War', we are talking about turning inwards, and challenging all of our inner vices ands weaknesses.....what the Hindus refer to as 'hindrances', the Buddhists often call 'afflictions', and the Christians call 'sins'. When we engage in a 'Holy Jihad' we are simply doing what a devout Christian does every day."
"And, we had been referring to them as 'Islamofascists'", said a Christian Fundamentalist leader. "However, now we realize that that was a projection of our own dark-side....the shadow of our own intolerance and violently controlling natures. We give thanks to Allah for this insight and spiritual illumination!"
Immediately following the Summit, the Israelis and Arabs announced a new ceasefire, and the Christians began beating their swords into plowshares.
Editor's note: "Yeah...right, Evan...Tell us another one!....We'll go ahead and publish this...just to humor you!"