Written by mikewadestr
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Monday, 2 December 2013

image for US Congress Unanimously Passes 'Days of the Week' Bill
Hey wait a minute! Aren't we supposed to be aboard the ship?

In unparalleled precedence, the US Congress passed the dubious 'Days of the Week' bill by a unanimous vote, the first such occurrence in the short history of the 113th Do-Nothing Congress. So thrilled were all 535 members at the outcome, that they held a second vote in which they allowed the only two members of the gallery to participate. Both primary and secondary votes were tallied together giving the bill 1072 votes, which is 1072 more votes than Hillary Clinton got for the Hottest Best Buns of the year Award.

All Congressional parties were in complete agreement that the second vote was much better than the first.

The 'Days of the Week' bill simply states:

The current system of having seven days in a week will stay the same with Sunday being the first day of the week, Monday the second, blah, blah, blah. If some asshole wants to change the order of the days, the name of the days or actual number of days of the week, they can, because everyone has a right to be a fucking prick. We're just saying that people can still use the current system.

The American people appeared subdued by the bill's passage due to the fact so many of them were bruised and battered from a series of wild, bellicose parties that took place at various Walmart stores, after the bill was initially presented to Congress on Black Friday.

The real intrigue over this is just exactly who were the two members of the gallery that got to vote for a bill for the first time in Congress' history? They were none other then octogenarians Betty Bowel and Sarah Grey who thought that they were at Ford's theater watching a production of the opera Carmen which was to be performed by Snoop Dogg and the Radio City Rockets. When asked what they thought about the experience Mrs. Bowel answered: "It was not my idea to go to the opera, it was Sarah's. I hate operas and this was just like the previous ones I have attended, a lot of yelling, screaming and lousy dancing. There wasn't even one dog in the entire opera. I mean, what the hell was that all about?"

As it turns out, all of the hoopla over the bill's passage may have been done in vain. President Barack Obama has announced that he will veto the bill in favor of an executive order which would add three more days to each week as well as 15 more months to each year.

2016 never seemed so far away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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