Written by Tony Bagodonutz
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Wednesday, 27 November 2013

image for NYC's Sidewalk Santa Parade Canceled after 100 Years

New York, NY - For a century, New York's Sidewalk Santas have marched on Fifth Avenue on the morning after Thanksgiving collecting donations from Black Friday shoppers.

Now they're calling it quits.

"There's just not as much money in it anymore," stated Ivan Jobless, a Santa impersonator for the past 15 seasons, "I think I'm going to get into a more lucrative business, like shoe shining, or balloon animals."

Several of the Santa collective have similar sentiments. Don Weenau, another long time Santa worker believes it has become archaic.

"Most people now are just trying to get in the stores, score hot deals, and move on to the next store, the next hot deal. They don't have time for us," Weenau stated.

The other factor in the dismantling of the march is the ever escalating aggressiveness of "Black Friday" shoppers, themselves.

"Yeah. I'm not willing to put my neck on the line for some loose change," stated Jobless, "It's just not worth it. These shoppers are freaks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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