WASHINGTON (AP)-- Just two weeks before the Congressional elections on November 7 which are expected to hand Congress over to the Democrats, President George Bush suddenly developed a conscience and admitted that he has been "very bad and dishonest" about the Iraq war.
"Oh My God," he told a packed White House news conference, "How could I ever have lied to the American people so badly about the real reasons for the Iraq war?" he blurted out, sniffling into a handkerchief.
"Our American soldiers are dying over there just cause I got greedy for Iraqi oil and so I could make Big Oil happy," he continued. "The CIA and my White House stooges like Karl Rove and my other flunkies created all that monstrous web of lies and deceit in order to form a pretext for that war."
Bush then honked loudly as tears came to his eyes.
"The war was of course to sew up Iraqi oil for my Big Oil buddies...you know...Exxon Mobil...Chevron Texaco...BP-Amoco and Royal Dutch Shell...they all ordered me to do it! Just like those people in my Zionist Occupied Government ordered me to do it too! Oh, I've been so bad...so bad...please forgive me everyone," he sobbed.
After an emotional minute, he finally continued.
"And just think about all those poor dead Iraqis who have been killed because of my war and my lies and my greed," he continued before shocked reporters. "More than 600,000 Iraqis are dead because of me, and likely lots more, according to that John Hopkins University study that likely undercounts the deaths if anything."
"It was me, me, me!" he shouted, beating the lectern where he stood, obviously having some sort of psychological breakdown.
Barney the White House dog stood by the President and whimpered, in tears also as we wagged his tail hopefully, moved as he was by Bush's obvious sincere repentance.
A distraught First Lady Laura Bush then led Bush shuffling off the stage and into the wings, but not before a burst of resounding applause erupted amidst the assembled reporters.
"We forgive you, Georgie!" shouted Peter Pimplehead of the New York Times, along with many other empassioned journalistic voices.
"Hallelujah! Hallelujah" they cried, before bursting into hymn.