TRENTON - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey has stated that he will bet anyone who cares to make a bet that he will be the 2016 GOP presidential candidate.
The rotund governor said that he will continue to lose weight until he looks a little like Robert Di Niro.
He pointed out that he has heard some rumblings that Sarah "Snowflake" Palin and her Tea Bag Party will do whatever it takes to keep him from his political goal.
The New Jersey governor said that if Mrs. Palin has any sense at all she will not mess with him because if she does when he gets through with her she'll be looking like a Kim Jong Un piñata after the kids have knocked it all to hell.
Governor Christie told the news media that he found a rescue dog and it will become part of the family. He said that he and his wife agreed to name it Romney, after the notorious flip-flopper Mitt "The Twit" Romney.
Christie then grinned as he explained that the reason his new dog Romney is special is because when he walks his gonads make a type of harmonica sound.
He said that he asked a veteranarian about it and the vet shook his head and replied, "It beats the hell out of me Gov."