Written by Trebor Chram
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Friday, 20 October 2006

In new, yet unconfirmed Osama video delivered by a dolphin to the Miami Coast Guard station, bin Laden states, "We have convinced stingrays that Americans and their coalition allies are evil and must be destroyed."

Recent news report of Florida man stung in the chest by a stingray is similar to the stingray attack on Steven Irwin last month in Australia:

FT. LAUDERDALE - October 19, 2006 - Bertakis was boating on the Intracoastal Waterway in Lighthouse Point on Wednesday afternoon when a 3-foot-wide spotted eagle ray burst from the water and stuck his chest with its barb. He piloted the boat to land and called 911.

The stingray attack parallels the fatal assault on "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin last month. The 44-year-old TV personality was killed after a stingray barb entered his heart while he was filming off Australia's north coast.

Vice President Dick Cheney came out of his bunker, did not see his shadow, and stated, "This is unprecedented and it's proof positive that Al-Qaeda has managed to train killer stingrays. If you vote for Democrats in the November elections Shamu may even attack the tourists at Sea World."

President George W. Bush, took a break from his 38th vacation at Crawford, Texas to say, "Damn those Al-Qaeda stingrays. uhh, bring 'em on! Uhhh, we were turning the corner and now it's stingrays. Uhh, mission was accomplished. uhh, Things are getting better in Iraq. Uhh, Bill Clinton knew about these stingrays before I took office in 2001 and did nothing about it. Uhh, we are going to win big in November, my brain, turd blossom, told me so."

This news report comes at the same time that President Bush has announced US ownership of outer space and anyone travelling there must go through a security checkpoint, remove their shoes and pay a toll.

By Trebor Chram
October 20, 2006

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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