Here's a tip from an Old Time reporter: Get rid of any old sex toys or this might happen to you.
Martha and I were saying goodbye to our grandson who was headed off to college when he came downstairs from the attic where he was looking for his lucky baseball and he had a sack of toys.
I heard Martha suddenly say, "Uh-OH!" and I looked.
"What are all these things Grandpa?"
"What do they look like, souvenirs from our trip to the Grand Canyon?"
"These belong to you and Grandma?"
"No, a thief came in one night and left those behind."
I knew Edward was amused but I was getting a little sore about it.
"Look Edward. People get older. Body changes. So you fall for an ad in a magazine."
He said something like 'looks like a dozen ads to me'.
"Did any of them help?"
Martha: "We used them once and put them away. Then we didn't know how to get rid of them. I mean, can you imaging the garbage bag breaking?"
"So they didn't help?"
"Pieces of junk. I was a sucker for those ads. I guess they did help in one way."
"They worked on our imagination...but only once. Might be how your dad got here!"
Martha: "George Emerson!!"
"Well, I don't wanna talk about it anymore. If you know where you can destroy those things, take them away!"
"Hah hah hah hah!"
"Shaddup! And you are NOT taking them for your friends to laugh about. If I ever hear anything about them again, you're out of the will."
"I'll take them and put them in the Late Night Deposit at Goodwill!"
"Great. Why didn't I think of that?"