Barack Obama, United States president, revealed today to sources close to him, that he is under a great deal of pressure from Walmart, to combine New Years Day and Christmas, this year, to make up for the lost shopping days.
"Mike Duke, Walmart CEO, has been in touch with me on a regular basis, explaining what the loss of revenue to the mega retailer will mean, not only to Walmart, but to the nation in general. He told me, as Walmart goes, so goes the nation, Allah be praised, I never thought of that,"
An undisclosed source from Walmart indicated to an undisclosed source here, that the loss of revenue from those peak shopping days could curtail Walmart's plans to purchase all of the nations parks and privatize them. "We would never close them, like he did," a Walmart Parks Director spokesman commented, "24/7/365 would be our policy."
Walmart exerted further pressure by revealing that their R&D department in Little Rock, Arkansas had perfected a "Political Lie Detector," the size of a pocket camera, which could be directed toward a speaker, and with 100% accuracy, determine the truthfulness of words being spoken. "It would necessitate all politicians speaking only the truth,"
After he regained consciousness, Obama, shook his head, blinked a few times, and stated, "We be callin it, New Christmas Years Day and we be holdin it on the last day of the year, if that's OK with you, Mr. Duke."