The good old Department of Health, Education and Welfare has been delaying news we could have used earlier but, as always, they "didn't want to start a panic". Well, better a panic than catching a mutating flu that fights off antibiotics.
Although they are calling it a hybrid form of the Bird Flu, it originated in chickens and chickens are the ones to watch.
Spokesman Ellen Ginsburg apologized for her higher-ups because they lacked the guts to speak for themselves.
"Do not purchase any chicken at the outdoor markets until we get a handle on this new hybrid."
Some in the crowd were booing and yelling things like, "Now you tell us!". "Should we be taking shots?"
"No. No shots until we can see how this has mutated from the old Chicken Flu", she told them.
"I bet Bloomberg has fled the city already!", yelled another.
"Look", continued Ginsburg. "Stay away from any chicken meat and call if anyone you know actually raises chickens anywhere in the state and warn them. We're working day and night ever since we were told last month!'
"Last month? And we just new hear of it. Great! I'm dead meat as I eat chicken almost daily."
"I need to get back to work on this", stated Ginsburg. "We have narrowed it down to some 12 different spices. KFC wouldn't give us the other 11 but we got them from the Home Security Buggers."
("Stupid Colonel! Let's deep fry him!" "He's been dead for years now." "Must have eaten his own chicken." The sky's falling!")