Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 3 December 2013

image for A Retired Tulsa Teacher Wins The National Tabasco Drinking Contest But Loses Both of Her Perfectly Good Tonsils
Emily Normina said that after the 8th bottle of Tabasco Sauce her throat felt like it was on fire.

TULSA, Oklahoma - Local resident Emily Normina Sarkensiggle, 43, was both thrilled and saddened by a recent event.

Miss Sarkensiggle who is engaged to Darnell Oldenheimer, 51, won this year's National Tabasco Drinking Contest, which is held every December in Tulsa.

The retired school teacher said that she first participated in the event last year, but had to stop after 45 seconds due to a sneezing frenzy that hit her unexpectedly.

This year Emily Normina made sure that she took a lot of allergy medication prior to the tabasco drinking contest.

And it certainly paid off because she was able to outlast a total of 27 participants, male and female, to win the coveted prize of National Tabasco Drinking Champion

She managed to drink down a total of 14 bottles of Tabasco Sauce.

Miss Sarkensiggle told reporters that she is proud of the fact that at the age of 43, she is still a virgin.

She winked as she said that she has been saving herself for the right man and Darnell Oldenheimer, who makes $23 an hour, is without a doubt the right man.

Emily Normina received a cash prize of $3,100 plus a $95.99 gift certificate to Target Department Store.

SIDENOTE: Emily Normina Sarkensiggle stated that the next day she had to go to a nearby clinic and sad to say doctors had to remove both of her tonsils which had been severely damaged all to hell due to the huge amount of Tabasco Sauce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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