Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Madonna, Celebrities

Wednesday, 18 October 2006

image for Madonna To Adopt Seven Pages

Armed with the experience of adopting a maternally orphaned child from Malawi, and well aware of the perils facing Congressional pages in Washington from the Republican leadership, Madonna is now making plans to adopt seven male pages to be raised in her country estate in England. Denying that she would change their names to Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Happy, Bashful or Doc, Madonna insisted she wanted to provide a safe environment for the boys, far and away from the sleazy, muck raking, terrorizing world of Washington, DC.

Denied the adoption rights to Robert Redford several years ago (Redford is claimed to have asked, "Who wants to be my mother?"), Madonna lowered or raised her adoptive interests and married film maker Guy Ritchie instead and had another child. Overflowing with the ripe juices of motherhood, Madonna went on a few years later and adopted a Malawian child and is now planning to add the seven pages to her household. Her husbands enthusiasm for these adoptions was expressed by his statement released through their publicist, "Yeah, whatever."

"Is Madonna the gal that was married to the crocodile hunter from Australia who was killed by a tuna?" Redford recently inquired.

In seven seconds flat, President George W. Bush, like whiz bang, immediately got on the horn to Tony Blair in England. He insisted that Madonna had to be stopped. The suggestion of pages being unsafe in Washington D.C. would give the whole wide world the wrong impression of our great nation, hinting that the U.S. was somehow part of the axis of real bad evil. We are not suppose to be fighting evil here before the war in Iraq is over, over there. "And I don't want to have to get Laura after you."

"No deal, Tex. I told you I wanted the top U.N. position and you gave it to a Moonie. I'm half way out of a job because of you and your hunt for WMD fairy tale. There isn't another Prime Minister's job in the U.K. What am I suppose to do, run for Prime Minister of Northern Ireland?"

"Ummm, was Madonna that ex porn star, member of the Italian Parliament, and married to sculptor Jeff Koons?"

Ayeeeee.

"I thought her name was La Cicciolina?"

Whatever.

"I'm ready for adoption."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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