After weeks of people not being able to sign up for Obamacare, the President is clearly flustered.
A source who asked not to be identified says that the President peed on a telephone after he couldn't get through to sign up for himself after ten tries, receiving a severe shock to his "person".
"Won't be any more Obama babies", the Source told us.
"You can hardly blame him...now he's got me doing it. But it really isn't his fault. The network was supposed to have been set up some time ago but some callers who have tried several times have let their local democrat representatives know about it."
Apparently people have had about a third of their phones answered by laughing Chinese. Then there are all the amateur hacks having people to run around outside their homes and place their phone next to their chest so they can judge if their hearts are in good shape.
"I wouldn't even try to tell you the sexual antics they have these poor people doing."
Meanwhile, the President has been calling Chinese leaders to get their hackers off our backs.