American politicians have been told that if they don't get a deal sorted by Wednesday, they will be out of a job on Thursday.
"On Thursday," said economic spokesman and former singer, Johnny Cash, "America will shut without an agreement. No more money. With no money we will have to lay off every single state paid employee. This includes the senators, their aides, and yes, even the president."
News that even the American President, Barak Obama, will be one of the joblessness victims after Thursday has shaken every single senator.
"Oh my god," said Oswald Mygawd, a Texan senator with the IQ of a washing basket, was amazed to realise what not getting his arse into gear actually meant. "I'm going to be unemployed? Do you know there will be no welfare after we're shut? I'll have to sell my swimming pool in order to pay my pool cleaner!"
News that not making a decision will leave all the senators unemployed is slowly filtering through the amazingly dense skulls of of the senators.
Should the worst happen, and the thought of spending the rest of their life on welfare doesn't kick them up their collected asses and sort it out, then there will be a sudden need for a couple of hundred senators once the country re-opens.
"I've decided," said Obama, "that if these ass-holes can't stop dicking around, then they can't reapply for their former job under US redundancy laws! That does include me, but Michelle said she'll apply for the job."