Written by Auntie Matter
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Monday, 14 October 2013

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Your Path to ' Freedom ' and Zombiehood.

USA: Following Congress's decision to privatise public information, CNN has announced that it will soon be restructuring its main news broadcasts. By pushing a button on your remote you can now access three options for your daily news intake. First option is the cheapest and the third far more expensive.

(1) Basic News without images, delivered by an older male broadcaster, accompanied by many ads. No commentary or interviews.
(2) Medium News with still images, delivered by a middle-age female broadcaster, with reduced amount of ads. One commentary and one interview.
(3) Comprehensive News delivered by a glamourous model with videos, stills, and zero ads. Multiple choice commentaries and interviews.

Said CNN News Director, Sigmund Mesmer: "This is a bold move in line with the growing information market and its globalization. It is both innovative and reflective of the liberal, free democracy we are privileged to belong to here in America. People now have a choice of how much news information they want and how they want it."

The White House plans to implement the policy by charging newspapers and other media outlets for its press releases with top buck being demanded from mainstream outlets for access to comprehensive information on current affairs and policy decisions. "Profits will go towards providing better medicare for the infirm and disabled", said a White House spokesman. "We have formed our own company especially for this purpose... White House Info. Corporation. We hope to float the stock soon on Wall Street. President O'Bama of course will be our chairman and Dick Cheney our CEO,... and we hope to appoint George Bush Junior as our treasurer."

Tony Blair speaking for David Cameron in the UK declared that he "welcomed the move for its far reaching implications for the further development of socialism in the UK."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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