Washington, DC - Registering approval ratings as low as 22% in recent polls, the United States Tea Party would rather fright than quit. The reactionary wing of the GOP is changing its name from the Tea Party to the Costume Party.
"Voters love us, but they hate our name," says Ted Cruz, the de facto head of the organization. "They are not getting the Revolutionary War heritage behind its origins. Instead they're thinking sweetened or unsweetened, bags or loose, tiny little tea leaves and crap like that. No wonder we're the laughing stock of the political universe."
In announcing the party's new identity, ex-governor Sarah Palin addressed a joint news conference/membership meeting. "Remember when we used to play dress up in our childhood days? We could be all things to all people. Well, our new name embraces that exciting feeling. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Costume Party."
Palin's declaration put into motion an impromptu fashion show with several Costume Party leaders showing off the first of their fantasy outfits.
Senator Ted Cruz goose stepped across the stage as Darth Vader from Star Wars. "I am the father of anarchist conservatism," he intoned through his Darth Vader communicator. "Follow me and together we will destroy the Dark Star."
Senator Rand Paul worked the audience dressed as Will Rogers. "I never met a man I didn't like, so now I'm making up for lost time. Excuse me, I've got a lot of hating to do."
Sarah Palin returned, costumed as a rock climber. After spending the better part of a half hour rigging the stage so she could ascend to its top, she wound up landing face first on the podium. "I just wanted to demonstrate how the Costume Party bleeds for the American people," she said through a tightly wired jaw.
John Boehner appeared as The Great Pumpkin from the Charles Shultz comic strip Peanuts, his orange skin making him well suited for the role. "I am the Great Compromise, The Grand Bargain, The Genuine Article," he said to anyone who would listen. "I'm good in pies and delicious as a side dish, I know how to blend in."
Senator John McCain dressed in one of his old Vietnam era flight suits. "I think we should still be fighting those G**ks, not buying our pants from them," he declared. "What does the napalm budget look like this year?"
The Costume Party is looking forward to Halloween when it will register anyone wearing a costume, instantly making them an authorized voter.
"Sure that will include children of all ages," Cruz explained. "But we lawmakers have made a living behaving like children. So why not give them the right to vote? Anyway, we will have people like Luke Skywalker, Batman, Superman and the like outside the polls, ready to answer any questions the children might have about who to vote for."