Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Senator

Monday, 16 October 2006

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Regretfully, like Mel Gibson's numerous apologies, (most recent Mad Max eye rolling, head swinging mea copa was on the Diane Sawyer show) U. S. Republican Senator George Allen's 'macaca' apologies are failing to stop the slow dripping political hemorrhage of his race for re-election. Starting with his initial explanation that 'macaca' didn't mean anything, followed by his claim to have made up the word on the spot. But it seems 'macaca' is a common term used by people who are native of Tunisia; the country where Senator Allen's mother was raised.

Allen then denied knowing his mother was raised in Tunisia. Next he said he didn't know she was Jewish. Then he said it was okay because he ate pork and bacon. There are only one hundred Senators in a nation of 300 million people, (according to CNN's Anderson Cooper) and Allen is the best candidate Virginia has to offer? Unlike the words: champion, hero, leader, GQ, and rake, 'macaca' has a derogatory meaning. Not too nice. Okay, it's a slur. On November 7th, voters will determine whether Senator Allen managed to FEMA himself.

The Mark Foley page scandal has turned into a giant drain, sucking in every member from the House of Representatives who practiced the: see no evil; hear no evil; say no evil; culture of denial. Sweep it under the carpet. Foley is a heavy fund raiser. His Florida seat is safe. Despite their inability to deal with a predator in their midst, these same men are running for re-election. All managed apologies, but each insist they should get their jobs back. These are the same men who voted to go to war in Iraq.

"Security of our homeland is my priority," says the President. "We're not going to cut and run."

The Republican handling of the page investigation is a clear example of cut and run; leaving pages to fend for themselves since 1994. Clearly, the notion of homeland security does not extend to the House of Representatives. Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert says he gave the page information to the page supervisor. The House members handling the page scandal also managed to FEMA themselves.

Like Mel Gibson and George Allen, Representative Mark Foley apologized. Like Gibson, Foley blamed his behavior on alcohol. Ogden Nash wrote: Candy is dandy. But liquor is quicker. Again like Gibson, Foley entered a drug rehab clinic. One day, he'll probably be a guest on the Diane Sawyer show.

FEMA has become a verb in the vocabulary meaning: slow, ouch, negative, someday, maybe, screwed, who knows. Macaca appears synonymous with stupid.

Couldn't Allen could have called the guy a fan?

Not if you're macaca.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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