America is closed. This is the main headline dominating the world today.
All government websites have closed, allowing America's Most Wanted to travel about unnoticed. Whilst the world is interested, they would only get worried if Facebook and Twitter closed.
Libraries, Museums, the post office, the IRS, customs and Parks and Gardens have all closed. This has pleased some, and angered others.
"I'm pleased," said one Parks and Gardens employee. "Not only do I not have to go to work, but you now say the IRS is closed? Woopee!"
Bashar al-Assad, the president of Syria, is also quite pleased, what with America currently too occupied to bother them. "Tis marvellous," said al-Assad. "Now where did I put my WMD Weekly?"
But what has closed America?
Apparently, the Democrats and Republicans cannot agree on money. Much like an relationship, really. In America's case, they currently own a wafer thin mint under sixteen trillion dollars. One side of the relationship wants to be able to borrow a bit more, and already has Wonga on the line, the other side doesn't and wants to pay some of what it owes off.
"It's an impasse," said Nick Mumble, the BBC's economics expert. "Something has to give. If it doesn't the entire world will explode in a massive fireball of insecurity, dragging the world into a financial stone age in which we barter chicken feathers for food."
It is expected that America will reopen at the end of October. The astronauts on the International Space Station are looking forward to this day, as they've run out of Pot Noodles.
Until then, now is a good time to visit America. Unless you want to do something while you're there.