The Republican members of the US House of Representatives and the US Senate hosted a gigantic Titanic party at the Mall and the Capitol Rotunda this morning. Starting at the Mall and the location of the Lincoln Memorial, the statue of Lincoln was removed amid cheers as a monument to the Unknown Klansman was unveiled in its place. As a choir sang Anna Mae McCorkle's award winning (in eleven southern states) song, Give hate a chance, the crowd cheered as some speculated that the statue looked eerily similar to Haley Barbour ex-governor of Mississippi. The organizers vehemently denied that this was the case.
At the Rotunda in the Capitol, House Speaker John Boehner precided over the festivities. "I ish sooo sad (belch, giggle, fart, sob)" said Boehner dressed in a sea captains uniform and drinking directly from a bottle of Southern Comfort. "I ish happy tooo (belch, giggle, fart, sob) that once again we ish united as Americans," he paused, "Ish just Makes me cry (belch, giggle, fart, sob). The gathered crowd mostly GOP members of the House and Senate cheered and clustered around the Open Bar. The few Democrats that attended had been hired as waiters and bus boys hoping to have Open Bar privileges also.
The Associated Press is reporting the happy throng was mostly in a jubilant mood and crowded the booths surrounding the Rotunda where one could buy bumper stickers saying, The End is Near and Hate is a Terrible Thing to waste. Among the celebrities attending, Bill O'Reilly was observed in a corner of the hall talking to God on his cell phone, Shaun Hannity was seen holding forth to young GOP Congressmen about his days as a beer truck driver, and Rush Limbaugh sitting in a corner muttering the "N" word and eating pork rinds. It appeared a good time was being had by all. The best was yet to come, the AP reports.
At the close of the festivities it was announced the TV show Undercover Boss would be filming the last episode of the season at the Rotunda! As Wayne LA Pierre of the NRA and Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox News appeared, the crowd cheered. Each of the GOP lawmakers was then given a gift of $100,000 to take back to their districts "to spend as they saw fit" and another $50,000 to complete their high school education. The lawmakers each cried and thanked the two men profusely. John Boehner commented upon receiving his checks, "I ish sooo happy (belch, giggle, fart, sob) and sooo very sad tooo (belch, giggle, fart, sob). As the band played, "Nearer my God to thee," the crowd dispersed and the last remaining member of the maintenance department lowered the flag of The United States of America to half-mast on the nation's Capitol.