Written by b kenneth mcgee
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: GOP

Saturday, 21 September 2013

One hundred GOP Congressmen announced the formation of a new caucus late yesterday. At a jubilant and raucous press conference, Eric Cantor proudly affirmed the principles and direction of the new group. "Putting your Tit in the wringer is as American as apple pie and Benedict Arnold," shouted Cantor to the laughing crowd. "Shut the gobmint down, shut the gobmint down," yelled the assembled.

Cantor continued, "In honor of this day and to celebrate our heritage, we are declaring all of next week, National self-abuse week, and encourage all good Americans to live in the moment and to cut, burn, bump and bruise their bodies. For our part we will split our tongues to better speak in forked tongues while many in our body will travel to Tokyo to celebrate and honor Tokyo Rose of World War 2 fame!" The crowd cheered.

Cantor raised his hand to quiet the cheering throng. "And here is the best part! For those of you, who have saved their Confederate money all these long years, get ready to spend, spend, spend!" He paused and shouted gleefully, "Cuz the rest of your money and savings ain't gonna be worth SHIT!"

As an instrumental group dressed in Confederate uniforms struck up "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, "Cantor waved a straw bowler hat in the air and strutted off the stage, James Cagney style.

In related news, U.S. citizens of all income levels with the exception of the very rich were getting their old card tables out of the closet, buying apples at Wal-Mart and making preparation to set up the tables at street corners all over America.

Make b kenneth mcgee's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

2 3 9 19
65 readers are online right now!

Go to top