Responding to worldwide criticism that the William J. Clinton Presidential Library has not immortalized some of the former President's more notable achievements during his tenure in the White House, museum curator Christine Jacobs Mouw announced in a press conference today that the Board of Trustees has voted to display a life-size replica of the former Chief Executive's penis in the Permanent Exhibit section of the library.
"The funding has already been secured," Ms. Mouw said, "but the actual sculpting is a sensitive and challenging process involving four steps. First, we will take detailed measurements of the original member using sophisticated 3-D Sonar technology. Next, a clay model will be sculpted from the measurements. Once a cast is constructed from the clay model the final step will be to create the bronze replica to be displayed." She added that the only decision to be made before commencing work is whether it will be more attractive to the viewers to create the replica in the member's flaccid or erect state. "The Bill Clinton Member Evaluation Committee is currently looking into both options and will be making a decision shortly," the curator added.
In a separate press release the Library stated that the exhibit will be displayed in its own room away from the other exhibits. Viewing will be permitted behind closed doors by application only and visitors will be admitted one at a time into the room and left alone to admire the sculpture in privacy for exactly seven minutes. Viewers are free to see, touch and feel the object as long as they do not remove it from the base and leave it in exactly the same condition as before. People leaving smudges or marks on the sculpture will be subject to liability and prosecution. The bulletin stated visitors are encouraged to secure a time-slot in advance using the Library's website rather than apply at the door.
As of press time, the Library website is experiencing serious technical difficulties due to an overwhelming number of viewing applications it is receiving from interns all over the world.