Written by MarsPandora
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Topics: Wife, Milk

Thursday, 19 September 2013

image for Wife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result
The Deadly Result of Powdered Milk

Atlantic City, New Jersey - An overzealous housewife, shopping at the local grocery store, lost her mind upon discovering that there were no small containers of powdered milk available and that she would be forced to purchase the family-sized box. "I only need a half a cup for my recipe," she sputtered before grabbing the large box of name brand powdered milk from the shelf. "It's robbery I tell you! Where are all the small packages?"

Many eyewitnesses agree that had the rant stopped there, the entire crisis could have been averted. "I blame the husband for the whole situation," said Second Shift Manager Russell Whippet, "If he had just stepped up to the plate and taken charge we would all be sleeping soundly at night. Instead we have to live with what happened next and the afternoon of carnage that followed."

According to Whippet, the woman held the box over her head and demanded that the store customers "should all be taken back to a simpler time when things were more affordable and a woman could buy a small container of powdered milk without having to drop a ten spot." She then threw down the box of powdered milk with such savage ferocity that it exploded in a cloud of white vapor sending the store customers screaming and scrambling to the nearest exit.

"It was total chaos at that point," said Deputy Sheriff Tommy Ridesruff. "We had a S.W.A.T. team standing by, but lucky for us, the husband finally intervened."

Eyewitnesses say the husband stepped through the smoky cloud, took his wife by the hand and said, "Honey, I think they have smaller packages at the convenience store near our house. Why don't we just get some there since it's so close to home?"

The few remaining customers stood frozen in fear, wondering if the wife would accept her husband's suggestion and the senseless violence stop. Fortunately for all, the woman quickly calmed and replied, "But they only have those off-brand products and I am sure we will use this much powdered milk sooner or later."

After a few minutes of light bantering and a near mishap involving an expired rain check, the couple left happily with powdered milk in hand. The shop quickly returned to normal following the clean-up in aisle ten.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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