Written by Valde Sapiens
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Wednesday, 18 September 2013

image for Apple Unveils iPhone 5-Z Targeted at the Niche Zombie Market

In a private after-party hosted after the public event on September 10 in its Cupertino, California headquarters, mobile phone company Apple's CEO Tim Cook unveiled the latest in the iPhone 5 lineup, a mobile phone made specifically for Zombies. "Apple has always been a brand for the future," the erstwhile chief executive reiterated between gulps of vodka, "we pride ourselves as an entity that can not only peer into the distant horizon but anticipate the direction the market will take. That is where we beat all our competition pants down," he added, obviously referring to mobile phone upstarts like Samsung, LG and Google.

The new iPhone 5Z will be marketed through all major carriers as well as sold directly in dedicated Apple retail stores, located inside sewer tunnels in major cities in the US and abroad. It will come from the factory preloaded with several Zombie friendly applications including the GPS enabled 'EasyPrey,' the exclusive social networking app 'FaceHunters' and even a Zombie dating application called "Zomboosk.'

While initial reception of the news among the mainstream media was lukewarm, certain entertainment celebrities were heard to be talking excitedly about this shortly after the announcement. Lady Gaga is rumored to be have offered her favorite raw meat dress to Mr. Cook to wear for a whole day.

As of press time, Apple's marketing division is considering including academy award winner Anthony Hopkins in the iPhone 5Z commercials. "He eats brains so naturally it's hard to believe he is not a Zombie," the head of the division wrote in a company wide memorandum.

While a specific launch date for this phone is yet to be announced industry gurus predict it will hit the ground on October 31st of this year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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