CHICAGO, IL - Scientists have determined that Lake Michigan will soon be empty due to erosion of Niagara Falls. Chicago currently gets 83% of their water from Lake Michigan.
Congressional Democrats have proposed spending $136T to "regulate" the output of Niagara Falls, while Congressional Republicans have countered with their own proposal:
US House of Representatives Speaker, John Boehner and Senate minority leader, Hugh Gyves APhuk, announced today that they will push through a bill that directs the Army Corps of Engineers to design, build and operate the Bail-Out the North-East and Chicago (BONE-Chicago) project. The project will involve constructing an automated bucket-brigade system, consisting of 232 million 17-liter buckets that will move water from Lake Erie to Lake Superior, eliminating the flow of water over Niagara Falls and, therefore, solving the problem in perpetuity. The project will only cost $134.9T, saving taxpayers over one trillion dollars.
Scientists have estimated that the BONE-Chicago project will have to operate at 1233 mph in order to evacuate all of the water currently flowing over the falls. Elon Musk, designer of the Catastropult system, has said he will be happy to participate in the endeavor.