Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Saturday, 14 September 2013

image for Calling House Republicans "Neanderthals," Biden Bungles Again
Australopithecus Republicanus

Gaffe-prone Vice President Joe Biden, speaking at an event celebrating his signature legislative achievement, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), at one point called the House Republicans who opposed renewal of the Act in 2012 the "Neanderthal crowd." A spokesman for Biden later corrected the Vice President for his gaffe, saying that Biden meant to compare the House GOP members to the hominid species Australopithecus Robustus, a species which has massive grinding teeth and a prominent lower jaw, with a brain capacity of about 550 centimeters.

Biden's spokesman made the correction after paleoanthropologist Richard Leakey, the son of famous archeologist Louis Leakey, complained that comparing members of the House GOP to the species Homo Neanderthalis was highly demeaning to the species more popularly known as "Neanderthals."

Said Leakey: "The average Neanderthal had a brain capacity of at least 1,450 centimeters. Its cranial capacity far surpasses that of an average House GOP member like Steve King or Michele Bachmann, whose brain capacity, if I had to guess, is probably closer to that of Australopithecus Robustus, or even lower. But that is, of course, mere speculation, based largely on what frequently comes out of these members' prominent lower jaws."

Said Rep. Bachmann in response to Leakey's comments: "I'm highly offended that Mr. Leakey would compare me to a homosexual robot!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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