Moose, the gaseous dog from North Carolina made a triumphant return from Syria yesterday afternoon after Bashar al-Assad,President of Syria called President Obama in the middle of the night to say he was capitulating and would turn over all poison gas supplies existing in his country.
"Get this frickin dog outa here," Assad supposedly said to Obama after Moose was slipped into Assad's private quarters during the night. "This is a crime against humanity! This dog is a killing machine!"
According to sources within the White House, Obama assured him that Moose would be removed. According to the source Assad replied in an emotional and hysterical voice, "All I ever wanted was a condo in West Palm, Club Seats at the World Series and a life time pass to Disney World!"
"You got it," Obama supposedly replied.
The return of Moose to his owner and constant companion, the Reverend T. J. McCorkle, of Louisburg, N.C, was marred only by the appearance of Moose on Fox News last night for an interview with Bill O'Reilly. Sources at the Fox News studio have told the Associated Press that when Moose appeared on the set with O'Reilly, he, in his typical bullying way hollered, "SIT! STAY!" McCorkle told the AP, "Well, Ole Moosey don't take too kindly to that kind of talk, so I guess he let fly one of those sneaky ones like he did to old Assad. Who-ee, old Bill went flying from the studio like he's on fire! Now I know why Moosey let's one fly whenever we got Fox on, the frickin dog's a liberal! I ain't never! But you know what, friends and relatives; you know folks that you know and love can differ on things. I love my Moosey," he hesitated, "so's I decided to send him on down to Cary way every once in a while. I got me a distant cousin down that way, you know, he's a Yankee. He done went to Harvard, is a professor at Duke, watches MSNBC and eats Quiche. Be nice for Moosey to be with someone like his-self every once in a while. Besides which,' McCorkle gave a slight grin and said, "Besides which, it gives Anna Mae and me a chance to watch ole Sean Hannity and let a few sneaky ones fly our own selves!"