New York - Fresh from his five day break in downtown Pyongyang US basketball star Dennis Rodman flew back home last night to headlines announcing he'd been hand-picked by Kim Jong-Un himself as North Korea's official Olympic coach for their rhythmic gymnastics team, captained by the dictator's wife Ri Sol-Ju.
25 year-old former 'entertainer' Ri is said to have an incredibly supple 35-24-35 body capable of just about ANY contortion needed to secure gold in this Olympic sport that has made corporeal manipulation into an athletic artform.
Rodman will be taking sole charge of a rigorous training program starting in December when Ri Sol-Ju will be put through their paces along with the entire 25-strong North Korean women's Olympic team.
"Yeah, grueling work," Rodman commented, "but someone's gotta do it."
The idea of North Korea's First Lady taking part in this up-and-coming Olympic sport for 'scantily clad young women in sequined spandex swimsuits' was apparently hatched at a recent summit between Vladimir Putin and the North Korean big cheese.
Kim Jong-Un became utterly smitten with jealousy that the Russian President's trollop is former Olympic gold medal-winning athlete Alina Kabaeva, a professional body manipulator and Russian Peeples' Party Member of the Duma [Russian dumb-ass parliament].
"Sure, we talked about it," Rodman said, "last Friday night when I dined with Kim and his family. Somehow got the feeling he wasn't really interested in the previous idea about training the North Korean basketball team. Nothing beats semi-naked writhing women in glittery costumes."
So has Ri Sol-Ju got what it takes to be North Korea's Alina Kabaeva?
"Uh, she's shaping up is all I can say," Rodman chuckled, "wanna see pics of me and Kim playing ping-pong in the Presidential sauna?"